Why Your Perfect Partner is Basically aWalmart
I sat amongst a group of girls, discussing our personal qualms with finding the right partner. A mixed crescendo of complaints and hardships finding the perfect person. And I sat there, in silent contemplation of my past and how detrimental it was for me to be with someone that ‘had it all’.
What is the perfect partner?
The perfect partner looks different to everybody, but I found the same running theme to be:
- They have to be someone that understands your exact love language(s).
- Someone who shares all of your interests and values.
- Someone who can agree with every opinion you hold.
- Someone who wants to pursue the same hobbies as you.
But what I found in each of these desires was an oasis of needs being fulfilled.
Your Perfect Partner Shouldn’t be Walmart
The constant expectation is to find the perfect person that can fulfill all of these checkboxes. They must:
- be willing to do the things you love with you.
- be able to make you laugh constantly.
- be there to support you in absolutely every emotional difficulty in your life.
I’ll be real here. I dare you to go out and ask the people who have someone like this in their life.. do they have friends?
Your partner shouldn’t be a one stop shop for every social need you have in your life.
Finding Balance in Quality Relationships
In this circle of women, I reflected on how different my partner and I are and how much I treasure him for that. I found that because he didn’t share some of the beliefs I did, I actively nurtured relationships with friends who did. And in so doing, I’ve maintained a community of people I can rely on, without depending solely on my partner to satiate those needs.
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be with someone who shares so much commonality. I only emphasis how important it is to not put so much pressure on your partner to be everything for you.
I can’t imagine how deep co-dependency can go if you were to find someone who would replace every relationship you need. When that person eventually passes away, or the relationship falters, one could only be left to rebuild a structured community from the ground up.
Takeaways
In being with a partner who is perfect for my growth, I found that the non-negotiables surpass so many superficial things. We spend so much time communicating, that I thank him everyday for letting me be so vulnerable about my past. And it’s always so refreshing hearing him open up, or be able to admit where he may be in the wrong. But, there is rarely ever an occasion of us trying to one up one another. And it feels good, man. He could say something that triggers my emotional trauma, and he would sit down with me, with his full attention, and listen. No interruptions. No pauses. Just full presence so that I can say these things out loud, and interrupt my own patterns.
I’ve been in so many one sided relationships where I couldn’t possibly open up about my vulnerabilities, that to be on the other side of this is a space I don’t think I could ever come back from.
All in all, to be in a partnership that will ultimately help you grow, you must find someone willing to communicate beyond all else. And lastly, they should not be a one stop shop for all of your emotional and social needs. No one should have to bear so much expectations. Balance your relationships, because we need community more than anything in this life.
